I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?