Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
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he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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