You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge