can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.