I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
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that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
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I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.