so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far