Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
