just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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