I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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