i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
