Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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