What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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