just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
