my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
