You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
