I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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