u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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