The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
