yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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