Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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