I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize