Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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