the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
