Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
