I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
