so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
