the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
