im gay
i know
yea but for you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
