I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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