Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
