The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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