i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
