He disabled his match.com account in front of me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
