bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
