So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude i'm inner monologue high
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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