Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
