I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
