Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
