marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
