well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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