Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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