I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize