At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
