Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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