My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
