apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize