i already hear my dad disowning me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drunk is not a location!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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