I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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