Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
