my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
