I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
