my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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