I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
