Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
