Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
