Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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