She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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