I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
