You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.