You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want to fling myself into the sun