in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.