I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.