Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.

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(415): View more from California

Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.

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(716): View more from New York

God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(630): View more from Illinois

Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

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(613): View more from Ontario

You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one

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(989): View more from Michigan

in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it

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(309): View more from Illinois

When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.

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