she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.