Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.