I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
