My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.