he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize