Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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