I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
