Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
