Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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