Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she was so not down for the gang bang
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
