Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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