Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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