Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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