do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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