apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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