Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
