girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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