I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
why do cheetos always look like penises
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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