Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
