I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
