mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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