I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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